One Year Later....

And so it is....One year since the world lost a shining spirit. An old soul. An artist whose brilliance at times could almost be blinding. A caring friend. A loving son and brother. A doting, devoted father. A source of inspiration to many, including me.

It was one year ago that I was still searching for a house, driving through a neighborhood on a cold, wet, dreary winter day when upon hearing the news that Heath Ledger had died, that I stopped my car right there in the middle of the street, my heart pounding, my mouth open in shock and disbelief. I hate to use this word, as it's so overused, but it was truly a surreal moment. There was a cloud of confusion, panic, denial, and the immediate need to not only get home to Nelson quickly, but to also reach out to my friends.

Upon arrival home, I found Nelson, who was not aware of the news. I stood there, just inside the apartment, and told him. "Heath's dead."

It would be the focus of television, newspapers, and tabloid fodder for weeks. Yet while many were fueling incorrect rumors and suggesting an abusive behavior, there were people hurting. Family, friends, and fans. Yes, fans. Fans who, like me, found inspiration and even friendship through the short life he had lived.

I do not know what I would've done without my friends. Just as they had pulled me through earlier dark periods of my life, so too did they do that again. We talked a lot about Heath, about what he meant to us, about the friendship he had given us. It was very much like a family all coming home for the brother's funeral. While Heath had all brought us together initially, we had drifted apart a bit, preoccupied with school, work, and family. But on that evening of January 22nd and for the next several days, we all came together again, providing comfort to our devastated selves.

During these past twelve months I've grown closer to many of these friends again. I think we realized how precious life is and the need to preserve the special bond we have. In July, when Heath's most acclaimed performance in a movie was released, I did not have to bear the pain of watching it alone. One of my friends met me at a theater, and we jointly sniffed and wiped away tears as the final credits rolled. I have reflected on the fragility of life, the importance of friendship, and the miracle of my true love, Nelson.

Ironically, Oscar nominations were announced today on this sad anniversary. And predictably, most deservingly, Heath received a posthumous nomination for his brilliant performance in Dark Knight.

The phrase indelible mark is so often used when describing someone who made on impact in this world while living. I feel there is no better phrase to use. His impact can never be erased, never forgotten. His brilliance on screen will be studied for decades. His memory lives on in my beautiful marriage and in the solid friendships I have, all of which provide me with smiles and laughter on a daily basis. His greatest footprint, though, is left in his daughter, Matilda, who at just three years old seems to already possesses the determined and passioned spirit which her father exhibited so often.

"It is strange to think, I haven't seen you since [a year].... I have seen the new moon, but not you. I have seen sunsets and sunrises, but nothing of your beautiful face. The pieces of my broken heart are so small that they could be passed through the eye of a needle. I miss you like the sun misses the flower; like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. "

--From "A Knight's Tale" (2001)