GONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN

Right now as I write the entertainment world is alive with buzz and excitement. With sluggish box-office sales suffering from a faltering economy and high gas prices, Hollywood has been unable to really pull moviegoers back to the box office in droves. But it might finally have been able to lure them back due to a superhero action film called The Dark Knight. You may have heard of it? Sequel to 2005's Batman Begins, another Batman movie franchise which tells the story of Bruce Wayne's early days as he ascends the ladder to be the fighter of crime, good over evil? While props and credit are due to the film's creative and thoughtful director, Christopher Nolan, and it's wonderful cast of stellar artists, one name and face outshines them all: Heath Ledger.

Unfortunately, Heath passed a way in January of this year and he is not hear to personally receive the accolades he not only deserves, but would be so uncomfortable to receive as well. Enough is being reported on other blogs, news sites, and television shows about Heath's chilling portrayal as The Joker. It's being hailed as "iconic," "chilling," "incredible," and even "Oscar worthy." As for me, I am full of mixed emotions. I am proud of him, I am excited to see his performance, but I am also very sad. I am being reminded again of senseless loss that the world experienced with his sudden passing.

You see, I was and still am one of the most ardent fans of Heath Andrew Ledger, a young Australian actor who died earlier this year. But I feel like I have more to say than just that I was a huge fan of him and his work. It's more personal than that.

In 2000 I was a single working female living in Atlanta, GA. Although I was living close to family, I was short on friends, void of romantic possibilities, and completely at a loss as to what was my purpose in life--or if there was one at all. And desperate for some sort of hope. Nothing I tried seem to help. Well-intended nagging from my family did not help. I was stuck, drowning in my own misery and feeling utterly helpless.

Had I not gone to see Mel Gibson's new film The Patriot one weekend in July 2000 I'm not sure where I'd be now. You see, I had read the review and seen the photo in my People Weekly of this new actor named Heath Ledger and Gibson's latest film. Always a fan of period pieces and of Gibson's work I was curious to see the film and see the performance of this new Hollywood arrival.

Now, I've had my share of celebrity crushes. I've had lots of 'em. I've also been moved by lots of actors' work. I can honestly say, though, that there was something about Heath and his portrayal as young Gabriel that drew me in as soon as he appeared in his first scene. Some of my friends and I have guessed it was his overall presence, those brooding, piercing brown eyes. I don't know what it was but he mesmerized and made an impression on me like nothing I'd experienced before. And while this performance would not be considered his best, he was able to convey something to both moviegoers and studio executives, drawing them in and leaving an impression.

By the following Monday I had begun to research this young actor. By Wednesday I'd gathered all my information and been quite pleased to learn that not only did we share so many of the same interests and opinions, but there was already a really good website devoted to him!

Again, I don't understand what exactly it was that continued to make me so mesmerized. I can only theorize that the Gods must have set it in motion or the planets happened to be aligned just right. Because as I continued to learn more about Heath I became inspired. Here I was, 26 yrs old, and being inspired by someone five years my junior. But he seemed to have a passion and was unashamed to have them which made him, to me, and so many, an old soul. Heath inspired me to begin writing more, to dream more, and to not be ashamed to dream. On the website I began talking regularly with other fans. While I'd had my share of e-pals and correspondences over the years, I found a lot of these ladies that I met here to be different. Like me, (and Heath) we shared so many common interests, passions, and goals. It was as if, for the first time in my life, I had found friends who really understood me and loved me for who I am. The only problem was that they were scattered across the globe and not available for a late night coffee at the corner diner.

During one of many postings on the Heath web site's forum I noticed discovered a young girl who was going through the pangs of post-adolescence and she reminded me so much of myself at that age. I felt compelled to reach out to her. We exchanged a few e-mails and one day when she appeared on my instant messaging box, I reached out to her. Except it was not her, but her older brother who was at the computer. I could've not talked and he could've not responded either. But yet again, as with that first sighting of Heath, so too, was there just something different about my first interaction with the older brother. I found myself chatting with the older brother and having a connection. It's something that I just cannot describe. I'd never "clicked" with anyone, really, other than my Heath friends. I sure as heck had never talked with a person of the opposite sex and had it go so well.

Eight years later I am still a Heath fan. I also am now happily married. You know that big brother I accidentally IM'ed? I married him. We've been happily married for six years. Through Heath I not only found inspiration, many girl friends who I consider dear, dear friends, but I found more. I found a soul mate, a best friend, the most wonderful person I know. No longer am I lonely, in despair. I no longer feel that life is just a waste of time through which I must trudge. I found someone who unconditionally loves me and who I am so very thankful to have found.

People always ask how we met. To most I answer that we met through his sister, who was my pen pal. You'd be amazed to see the looks that we receive if we mention that we met through the Internet. But you know what? I'm proud of how we met. It's a unique story that no one else probably can claim, and one that has a happy ending.

So this weekend I am, like most moviegoers, excited about the latest installment of the Batman Trilogy. I will also take time, though, to reflect. To remember how far I've come. Most importantly, to remember how grateful I am to a young man named Heath who bravely stepped out on his own. Who dared to dream big, who inspired me, and who gave me the greatest gifts: friendship and love.

Thanks, Heath.