We Need A Bedding Superhero

Picture if you can, the voice of Don Lafontaine as he narrates the preview of this fall's blockbuster movie:

"In a world, where ugly bedding ran amuck in bedrooms, where catalogs had been invaded by gawdy fabric designs, there was a girl who worked in a bedding store. Her life, and the state of the world, was forever changed one night as she closed up shop...."

That's my intro for a new superhero movie. You see, I am currently 24+ months into my search for bedding. Years ago, as a youngster, there was nothing more exciting than every few years having my mom tell me it was time to update my bedroom.. So I'd pull down the Sears & JC Penney Catalogs and sprawl out on the floor, pouring over the different possiblities. I love bedding and the chance to pick out new colors and decor. Well, I used to. I don't anymore. That's because in the past few years the bedding world has been suffering. It's been taken over by fabric that isn't practical and fabric designs that are either boring or hideous. I have found nothing that even remotely is to my liking.

I'll admit that the first few years of drought were my own fault. I made the mistake of assuming that my husband would not consider sleeping underneath a comforter with a floral design. I was all too delighted to learn a few weeks ago that he, not feeling that his manhood would be in jeopardy, is completely open to the use of hydrangeas, ferns, and roses on fabric! Who knew? Yes, ladies, go ahead and be jealous. I do have a pretty darn good husband.

Yet even with this new discovery I am still scraping the bottom of the well to only pull up an empty bucket. I've spent hours on the Net looking at every possible website and online catalog. Ebay? Check. Pottery Barn and Crate & Barrel? Check. Garnet Hill or the Company Store? Check. I've even pounded the pavement on my evenings after work and weekends entering and exiting the doors of Linens-N-Things, Bed Bath & Beyond, World Market, Marshall's, Home Goods, Ross, Belk, Macy's, JC Penney, Sears, Target, K-Mart,....Is that enough? And what do I come up with? Nada. Zilch. Ne rien.

You see, I guess most people would say I'm picky. I choose to say I'm selective. Some people don't spend much time in their bedroom. I do. At least 6 hours a night. My dog spends even more. Then there are the sick days, the late sleep-in's, the Nelson's-watching-Food Network-so-I'll-watch-TV-in-bed evenings, or just the lazy afternoons I'll spend reading a book in bed while Curious Jorge and Mr. Guppy curl up with me. So this is a very important decision!

First of all, I must have a duvet. Why? Because I own pets. Need I say more? I've looked for two sheets that I could buy and sew together but would you believe how difficult it is to find pretty patterned sheets that aren't sold as sets?

There's nothing out there! Apparently the trend right now are on the extreme ends of the spectrum and I don't care for either of these extremes. You either have theplain solid comforters or ones with maybe one stripe across it. You know, very feng-shui, I guess? I'm sure that Vern Yip would love them. On the other end, you have these gawdy bright floral creations that make my mom's old bedspread from 1972 look tame. And if you want to maintain some sort of middle of the road normalcy all you have to choose from are the paisley or floral look that you see in ever hotel room made by Ramada, Hampton, Days, Holiday, or Comfort Inn. Yuck.

So now I realize that we need a superhero. A bedding superhero to come and save the world and re-introduce fun yet tasteful, nice yet practical bedding. Enough of the embroidered multi-textured fabrics. Enough of the cherry blossoms on silk fabric which would only look good inside a Japanese Tea House. No more simplistic and flower power designs She (or he) would begin designing and producing in large numbers bedding that yet again is fun and desirable but affordable. And there would be duvet covers for each pattern as well. Why? So that for those of use whose animals treat the polyfiber filled comforters like stuffed animals and chew them to shreds there would always be, "The Duvet Option."

What would we call this bedding superhero? The Coverlet Crusader? The Bastion of Bedding? Maybe I'll take this idea and travel to Comic Con next year. Hmm....I'll have to keep working on this. In the meantime, back to catalogs....