MISSING!

BEKAHBOO'S FASHION MOJO

LAST SEEN:

SOMEWHERE IN COLLEGE BETWEEN 1993-1996. ACTUAL DATE OF DISAPPEARANCE UNDETERMINED.

KNOWN WHEREABOUTS:

POSSIBLY HIDING IN DELTA BURKE'S CLOSET OR UNDERNEATH TYRA BANKS' FAT SUIT

REWARD:

SHOPPING SPREE AT BARNEY'S WITH VICTORIA BECKHAM (Still ironing out the details)

First, let me sigh. *sigh* There. That helps. I've been toying with this idea for quite awhile--this public plea. You know, putting up posters on telephone poles by intersections, distributing the flyers at the mall on Saturday. I even contacted a couple of dairy farms about the cost to include my plea on a milk carton but thought better of it given the poor taste factor. After years and years of searching I am at a loss. And so, I make my final plea here on the World Wide Web, hoping that someone--someone, will have seen my fashion mojo!

It's been a very rough 10+ years without my mojo. Lonely, dowdy, frumpy, embarrassing. A painful 10+ years filled with ill-fitting shirts, hard-to-find shoes in wide widths that are remotely pretty, lack of pants that will accommodate my Hippo Hips, my normal sized thighs, and short stumpy legs all at a reasonable price.

Now, I for one, am not the Elle Woods or Carrie Bradshaw type whose mantra is "fashion is everything!" But mind you, I have always prided myself on having a fairly good sense of fashion. Why, even my older sister would consult my advice as she crept past 25 and on towards 30 and 35. I always tried to maintain a wardrobe that was relevant to the year in which I was living.

For example, when mini skirts first came back into fashion around the debut of Valley Girls and the show "Square Pegs," who, at only a mere 8 years old, pulled out the JC Penney Catalog and asked her mother to order her a mini dress? Who, at age 9, upon seeing a burst of fluorescent colors on the hangers in Goody's and Sears and JC Penney, made sure to have at least one pair of fluorescent earrings, one shirt that contained hot pink, and at least one pair of fluorescent jellies? In 1985 and 1986, when printed jeans and Miami Vice jackets were all the rage, was I there too? Oh yeah. And then, in 1987 when Bass Loafers, long skirts, and vests became a hippie-chic way of dressing did I decline the invitation? Oh no. Not at all. In fact, I am proud to say that I was the first person in my high school to wear these loafers and vests.

Then, of course, there was the big hair tied up with scrunchies. I had those too. And a jean jacket--Levi Strauss to be exact.. You might laugh now but I had it *snap-snap-snap* goin' on!

Yet somewhere along the way, my mojo began rebelling. Coming and going, never indicating when she'd be back. Oddly enough, this coincided with my ups and downs in the weight category. As life moved on and I entered the adult world her presence became more and more seldom, especially as my weight ballooned and my purse became emptier.

And so it was in Kohl's Department Store yesterday that I had a breakdown. Perusing the Plus Size Clothing I saw nothing short of items that were insulting to me, a once fashion-savvy lady. I held on to the nearest knit top with bright flowers all over it and yelled, "Nooooooo! Mojoooooo! Where are you?"

And so, it is now that I take this moment to offer a public plea. Bekahboo's Fashion Mojo, I miss you. Life has not been the same since you left. I know that I have not been a good home for a fashion mojo. I've gotten fat and fatter and I've stopped caring. I've quit looking at stores like Banana Republic, Limited, Macy's, Nine West, and even the J Crew Outlets. I've resorted to plus-size clothing on the clearance racks, or at CATO or Lane Bryant. And while they try, they just do not make clothing that is up to par with your standards or, frankly, mine.

If I can lose some weight, and fit back into my old size--at least a 12--would you consider coming back? Now, you must know that we will not be able to afford much ever again at Macy's or Limited or Victoria's Secret but there are sales! And since you last were home this great thing on the Internet called Ebay has arrived! We can, if we work together, still help me to look chic and fashionable without the huge price tags. But I can't do it without you, Mojo. I just can't.